Recovery....it is the hardest thing I have had to do..in awhile. I am recovering two major surgeries in a row. I have decided recovery is so slow paced. It is lonely and it is hard. Mostly it is lonely. You have something big happen to you in life and you survive. Thank God for that, right? Life moves on, it doesn't wait for you to catch up, it doesn't pause with you and hope your feeling well. Life just moves, often times it will move away from you if you don't stay on track.
It moves forward and so does everything else. Life doesn't wait, it never takes a break, it moves always looking forward. Life never looks back, only people do. Sometimes we even get stuck and caught in the moment of pain or despair. Although we have to slow down and mend. Life keeps going, until finally you are left chasing it. Running behind hoping it will slow at a bend, so you can jump back on. Hoping that everyone around you just gets it. No one ever does. Only you get it-- you, the one slowed, the one in recovery. The one off track. Well wishes, and expectations.
Last Friday we celebrated in our house. The doctor's appointment went well. They said I could go back to work, I could live with few limitations. I could lift 20lbs and walk stairs and in a few weeks make my way around the block. I am thinking really? Where have you been? Not in my life. It has been 12 weeks. I am pretty sure I have been working for 9 weeks already and the rest well, enough said. Life moves without limitations, so how am I expected to do the same. The doctor's office is celebrating a medical victory for them. I am walking with little limitations. Visibly. I will walk, I will live without limitations. I will survive.
Someone said, you'll do well, your a fighter.....obviously they don't know me well at all....I am not a fighter...I am a survivor. Nothing more.
Moving forward is what humans do best. I think we adapt and adjust to what we are given.
I think what I am trying to share that if you or yours is recovering...be mindful. You have to understand that moving forward is the only choice, it is strength and it is powerful. Moving forward is moving to heal. Often times we are quietly stuck in what seems like forever and not everyday is a grateful one. Some days it is angry and just plain hurt. To heal and be part of this ever changing world we must move forward, and only glance back at the "maybes and what ifs". Don't allow yourself to be in one place, set your mind to get over it, life already has.
Recovery is lonely and seems to take forever. It is unforgiving, it is sometimes bigger than you are. That is OK, just look at each day one step at a time. Move forward and be strong, even when you are tired. You have only yourself to depend on, and be thankful for you. You can achieve recovery, you can survive....
We are sometimes lucky to have support of family and friends, but they can't do this for you. You do this for you. You are the one to move and take the first step.
Move forward....
~L
