numbers??

Are you more than just a number?

I decided awhile ago that I am, more than my number. 2010 can't become history anywhere fast enough.
They say that one's journey in life is not straight and narrow. But it is filled with peaks and valleys, curves and hills. Mountains! I respect that life takes one on its chosen journey, but I also believe that a person will make choices at the fork in the road, that are landmarks in our journey.

In this 2010 I am about have another major surgery. Two in one year, there ought to be a rule. It is hard to believe. But here I am. A friend said to me the other day that I was a fighter. I beg to differ- I think if anything in this life I am a survivor.

I am really scared.... last time I didn't have a chance to wrap my mind around it, but here now this time it is so big that it is taking them forever. Test after test, doctor after doctor, consult after consult. Only to find that it must take time. Here I am waiting, wondering, surviving. Wondering where will this path, this fork in the road take me? Will I choose right? So much is riding on this.

I spend alot of my efforts, to not talk about it. To not worry the ones around me. To not talk about it that...........I can't even cry. I work to continue "life" life as normal, only hoping that what the doctors are not telling me and what I am trying so hard not to talk about will just go away.

When I was little a good child was seen and not heard, and hopefully when I was seen I was being good. I spend so much of my time being good, that I miss the "life" right in front of me.

I will say this I am Lori and I am a survivor. I am survivor of most things, including this.

This has taken me from so many things in my life and I am sad and tired. Monday I pray for the words that offer me hope and relief. I am not done. I am not even half way down my path, not even half way up! I am here and now. I have hope, I have faith, I have love.

I am a survivor.....I am more than just a number.....I believe......

(note if anyone is out there...this is finished 12-5-10.....it's been awhile)